Carpe Pisces (Seize the Fish)

For the first time since departing our home port it seems that folks onboard can finally start to see a small glimmer of light on the horizon. The night that has been the constant rocking of the ship, the never-ending hours of watches stood in the darkness of combat, the same rotation of the compacted life underway. The wake-up to get dressed out, the chow, the watch, the maintenance, the workout or relax, then hit your rack for the 4-5 hours that you're grateful for. Rinse & repeat.

Sometimes when we hit a port I find myself with so much free time that I'm exhausted before the night is over. One finds themselves locked into a cycle that once entered is not noticed until a couple days, a week, then finally a month whirs by quite painlessly...in almost a anesthetic kind of way. That is the nice thing about such a dependable cycle. Though, once you get back into the daily ventures of home, you start asking yourself "How in the hell did I live like that?".

This habit, this...life...isn't really life. It's the answer to the question I keep asking myself; "How the hell did I end up at 30? Last time I checked I was still getting over the fact that I was 27." I feel that just "passing the time", is slowly letting life happen to me without my realizing it. This isn't just about Carpe Diem, this is about gaining control of my life and doing more than just standing a watch, or attending useless training, or counting down the days until I get to play with my daughter again.

My job doesn't make me feel like I'm doing something for the greater good anymore, of course I also thought I was joining the Navy circa 1942. When the enemy had a face and everything was on the line. People in America then would commit suicide if they were deemed unfit or too unhealthy to join the service. Today, people complain if too harsh of a word is used, they complain about being treated equally then become pregnant before deployment begins to get out of it, they question everything to a point where the leadership can't get anything done. It sickens me to think that this is where we are after so many years.

Sorry about the random tangent, but this is an underway blog.

Since homecoming has gotten closer, my homecoming dreams are starting to become more frequent. I don't desire this because it always end with me waking up to disappointment in my coffin-for-a-bed.

It will be a glorious day regardless.